Openthedoor-man

I am not the only doorman who occasionally stands outside the door and puffs out my chest just to let anyone that walks by or enters the building know, “I run this s___t here.”

After all, I am the protector of the lobby, keeper of expensive clothing and packages, guardian of money dropped off or waiting to be picked up, holder of keys to private apartments worth many, many times what I earn in a year.

Many of my colleagues don’t want or need a strike, but they seem to think it’s inevitable. They think the Realty Advisory Board representing the buildings may try and let us workers sweat it out a bit.

Doormen don’t really like real estate brokers.

They expect us to be polite and answer all the questions a potential buyer may have; to control the lobby during an open house and assist the broker by restricting people to going up one at a time; and to put in a good word if anyone in the building wants to sell their apartment.

And though they peddle us dreams of sharing in the commission, they usually wind up selling us out.

Even though my full-time gig is “doorman,” my colleagues and I occasionally help out with the garbage when the porter or handyman is sick or on vacation.

It is not high in the enjoyability department, and it tends to make one feel vulnerable for being exposed to a slopfest of potential germs and somewhat inferior.

Bag upon (stinking) bag is pushed out by the compactor, tied, and then taken out for sanitation pick-up. Every so often, like when putting our hands in the chute to remove an obstruction, we get a little dirty.

If a doorman were asked by a resident how he or she really feels about something that I have written, odds are the response would be on the politically correct side.

For example, if a question were to be asked regarding how a doorman feels about his job and the people in the building, the doorman’s answer would probably be something like, “I love my job. It can be hectic sometimes dealing with certain individuals, but for the most part, everyone here is like family."

This answer is intended to convey two things:

1) The doorman is quite humble.

About a year and a half ago, way before I started this column, I began writing what eventually turned out to be a memoir of my experiences as a doorman, some of which I've published online.